How To Get Rid of a Roommate Essay Example
Picture this: You get a new roommate, and you really like them at first. You live with them comfortably in your two bedroom apartment. Then things change. You find yourself with a scowl on your face that you have to cover up with a smile whenever they walk in the room. The roommate has not done anything too terrible, but something about them makes you want to attack them with their own golf clubs. There is not a good reason to give your roommate as to why you are kicking them out, so you only have one option. You need to become the annoying roommate, and make them regret the day that they wanted to move in. You need to get rid of your roommate by making them think it was their own idea.
The first step in this process is gathering as much information as possible. Although spending more time with your roommate may be excruciating, it is very necessary. You need to learn your roommate's likes, dislikes, phobias, and their daily routine. Ask to hang out with your roommate and their friends to learn the type of people they hang out with. If you do not already know, find out what they do for a living. Also, you will need to know if they are dating anyone currently. If it helps you, you can take notes as you go to keep track of what you learn about them.
After you have all of your information, you are ready to start annoying your roommate. Your roommate’s daily routine will be very easy to annoy them with. The most important thing to know is when they take a shower. If they usually take a shower at seven, go take a shower yourself ten minutes before that. They will wake up and have to change their morning routine suddenly. Some roommates may be stubborn creatures and start showering at six thirty instead. If this incident occurs, do not give up. Stay focused on your goal, and start getting into the shower ten minutes before six thirty. When they go to sleep at night, make sure you always have “work” to do. Then proceed to play loud music while you work because it keeps you focused. If your roommate catches on to the work excuse, start having people over late at night. Make sure that they do not know the friends you have coming over. If they do not know them, the more awkward they will feel telling them to leave.
It is common knowledge that food is very important to people, so the next step deals with all of your roommate’s food. You should know from your study at in the first step what foods they like and dislike. Stock up on all of the foods that your roomate disslikes. Also, any leftovers that your roommate brings home should accidentally be eaten by you. If they get mad at you, simply brush it off and act like it was no big deal Also, tell them that they can eat any of your food anytime they want. This is a good trick because all of your food is stuff that your roommate hates. You have to eat every day, so slowly use your roommate’s ingredients in your meals so that they run out of their own stuff faster. They may not notice at first, but be patient. They will eventually realize why their grocery bill is higher.
The next annoying thing to try is to buy new decorations. We all love home because it is our safe place. Home is comforting, and the new decorations could make your roommate feel out of place in their own home. You should try to buy decorations that your current roommate does not like, or you can buy things that look awkward in the rooms. It is necessary to buy things that will not go unnoticed. Bright colors or colors that do not match are the best eye catchers. For example, if you put a random, bulky sculpture of an elephant right next to the television, your roommate is going to see it whenever they watch TV.
If you find that the decorations were a success, you should move on to bigger changes in your home. Rearranging furniture is a great way to mix things up. Coaches, chairs, and tables work the best. Do not give them any warning before moving the furniture. If they have a favorite chair, move it to the worst television viewing area possible. Just when the roommate is getting used to the new arrangement, change it again. Your roommate may start asking questions after the second time, so make sure you have an excuse. You could tell them that you are getting into feng shui. If you use this excuse, you can constantly talk about how much better your “energy” has been since you mixed things up.
Another step to rearranging your home is to move all of the kitchen supplies. This will make it difficult for them to find things and to put things away. If you want to go the extra mile with this step, you can leave dirty dishes everywhere. Also, use a lot of different supplies when preparing your food. For example, when you make spaghetti, use at least five different pans and three plates. This will create even more dirty dishes. If you refuse to acknowledge that there are any dirty dishes, they will be forced to clean them eventually. If you yourself cannot handle dirty dishes lying around, simply put them away in the wrong spots every time you put them away.
Next, if you notice that the dishes are bothering them, you should become a complete slob. This may be disgusting, so make sure you can handle it before you commit. You should leave hair in the shower drain, and make them clean the soggy mob of hair. Leave your clothes everywhere in the home. You should place the worst smelling clothes in the living room on or next to the couch so that they are sure to notice. Place dirty socks randomly on the floor throughout the home. If they ask you to clean up your stuff, simply state that you are too busy to be bothered.
If annoying them is not succeeding, the final step that you should try scaring them away instead. If they have phasmophobia, you are in luck. Phasmophobia is the fear of ghosts. Drop hints at random times on how your rent is cheaper because there was a death or even a murder. You can add a picture on the wall in memory of the “old owner” if you really want to convince them and make it dramatic. If you go with a picture, make sure it is a portrait with eyes that seem to follow you wherever you are.
You should only try this if you have the capability to keep a straight face for long periods of time. Another example of using fear is if your roommate has spectrophobia, or the fear of mirrors. This phobia is easy to work with because all you need to do is go buy multiple mirror to hang around your place. One look at their own reflection and they may never come back. Your roommate could have any phobia. You just need to figure out a way to exploit it. Being creative is very helpful in this part of the process.
After you have tried all of these steps, your roommate should be begging to leave. Your roommate may start packing right away. Whether you drive them crazy or scare them to death doesn’t matter because it will result in them moving out. If you were successful, make sure to give yourself a pat on the back. Your roommate should move out quickly, and you will not spend a single night in a jail cell.