Forgiveness Essay Example
Robert Brault once said, “Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” Bryant McGill said, “ They caused the first wound, but you are causing the rest; this is what not forgiving does. They got it started, but you keep it going. Forgive and let it go, or it will eat you alive. You think they made you feel this way, but when you won't forgive, you are the one inflicting the pain on yourself.” And Vishen Lakhiani said, “I know that forgiving him. I’m really healing myself...Forgiveness frees you. So when you forgive someone else it really is about freeing yourself…”
My mom had four kids with four different men. She lost all of them to drugs and alcohol. I am the youngest of all four and she had custody of me the longest. We lived in a two-bedroom, one-bath, small, dirty, sketchy house. She was never home and when she was, she always had men over and was always drunk. I did everything for myself. I woke myself up, I got myself dressed, I fed myself, I got myself to and from school, etc. My birth dad was never in the picture. I’m not even sure that I know who he really is. Eventually, I got adopted by the same people that adopted my blood-related sister and I still see my other 2 brothers. But that isn’t the point.
I didn’t have that hard of a time adjusting to being away from my birth mom and I’ve known my adoptive parents since I was three and saw them every week. I live in a really nice house and I have parents who do pretty much everything for me and they buy me new things and that really truly care about me but I was so angry at my adoptive parents for taking me away from her. Then I realized that this isn’t their fault. I was hurt, mad, and upset at my birth mom. She gave me up to drown herself in vodka and to smoke her life away. But the part that got me the maddest and the most hurt and most upset was that she had done this 3 more times before me. I was mad for a long time.
Then, I went to a youth group on a Wednesday. It was in the 8th grade, I was 13. My youth pastor, Brandson Tucker, had a similar story to mine, except that his dad was in his life. I remember this so vividly. I was sitting on the left side in the 2nd row with my friend Sarah. We were talking about holding grudges against people and Brandon told the story of him and his mom and how he finally forgave her. She never asked, he just did. Even though I had heard the story a million times, I never took it like the way I took it that night. I finally realized that being mad and being hurt by what she did is letting her control my life. It was making me unstable and was slowing breaking me down. It was making me push people away and not let them get close to me at all. He had finished talking that night and we had prayed and we went home. But the next week I went up to him.
We were on the stage and I asked “How did you do it? How did you forgive her after everything she did? After everything she allowed to happen? How?” He said to me, “Zellie, God doesn’t hold grudges. Or anything against you if you ask for forgiveness.” Then I said, “But that’s the thing, she didn’t even ask you. She probably isn’t even sorry.” Then he said to me, “I didn’t do it for her. I forgave her for myself. Knowing that she doesn’t hold me back or define me lifted a weight off of me that I didn’t even know was so big. The things that happened hurt a lot, but they made me who I am and I can’t change what she did and to keep on being hurt and mad wasn’t healthy. I finally moved on and I felt a lot happier.” He prayed with me and I swear I was about to start crying. I went home that night and sat in my bed, criss-cross applesauce, and cried. I cried for a while. Probably for 2 hours, give or take.
Letting It Go
As I sat in my bed and after I finished crying, I prayed, and then I said “I’m not gonna let what you did hurt me anymore. I’m not gonna allow what you let happen to get to me. So, I forgive you, but not so you have that relief. I’m doing this for myself, that way I can move on with my life. You aren't a part of me anymore” That was the significant moment in my life where I let go of all the hurt to finally start to heal myself. I still do get mad at her every now and then when I think about it but then I realize that being mad does nothing to help me. I’m still healing and I’m still working on letting people get close to me but the point is that I started to. I know that it’s going to take a lot of work and time but it’s so much better than being bitter 24/7. I will not let her actions ever affect me again.