Critical Response Essay Example
I read both Essay Responses from Mr. Green and Mrs. Freeman; the two had different perspectives and points to make which is great. Ben’s response I felt was a bit dry though and only focused on infrastructure big structural ideas which is not a bad thing to talk about. Ben could have focused more on the fact that Egypt’s had slaves of their own to build the pyramids such as slaves over in America or even let’s say currency that would make his post more interesting.But Kadeisha Response focused more on every small, but accurate detail that I considered to be most important in what I thought about Contributions to the modern world.
I enjoyed reading Mrs. Freemans Post for the following four reasons; she stayed consistent throughout the essay followed her own rhythm, wasn’t boring. But I did notice a few errors such as there was a over usage of simple words mainly poor grammar that I saw, the words that came up and should not use one distinctive word such as blue print or Egypt\Africa about more than three times just to state importance change it up have fun with it. For instance there are many different words that mean the same thing; you could have pick scheme, layout, rendering, and strategy. Just by picking different subjective phrases more people will be taken by surprise by what you write in my perspective.
She has concrete facts about how, The Egyptians created a 365 day calendar in which we can still use today. They also created math and science to improve their everyday lives. This can be seen in some of their ingenuity it took to create homes, pyramids in intricate traps as well as sarcophagus for high priest and other elites. Math/Science is the two things we use almost every day.
Now that is not the only interesting fact I found in the post another is one paragraph talking about the influence and contributions Egypt has made to the modern world. She goes on to talk about how farmers in society use the Egyptians practices and have even expanded on them to help advance within the agriculture field. To my knowledge she has done more than just reading a couple of pages form text, my thoughts she went above and beyond.
My favorite paragraph of Kadeshia was when she talked about since knowledge was only reserve for the elite there were a small percentage of the leads that worked as scribes in the royal court or within any form of government. This leads me to the next contribution I feel Egypt/Africa has made for modern society and that is a structure of government. Due to the numerous pieces of historical context and literature the Egyptians left behind we are also able to digest how they influence other cultures.
Focus, Idea, and Unity
What do I mean when I say focus an essay should have a single clear central idea? Each paragraph should have a clear main point or topic sentence which she had. Development each paragraph should support or expand the central idea of the paper. The idea of each paragraph should be explained and illustrated through examples, details, and descriptions. Lastly unity every paragraph in an essay should be related to the main idea which was what would the world looks like without Egypt (Africa)? Put differently, identify Egypt's (Africa's) contributions to the modern world. And Kedeisha stuck to the main point in each paragraph and related the material well.
Her weaknesses in this post are her correctness, and coherence.
By correctness I’m talking about how a this paper or essay should be organized logically, flow smoothly, and “stick” together I’m not say she didn’t try to show her capability in involving some off it but it seemed off and on with me. Coherence is a paper that should be written in generally correct stander and English with complete sentence, and be relatively error free. Again a hit and miss got some not all.
I am proud of how well she written her post, it was factual. Didn’t feel rushed or forced in either way you saw it, gave a clear understanding on what she focused on. Overall, many good lessons where taught and give I will look forward to her next post when ever. A tool that she should use would be Grammarly Free Writing Assistant to fix tiny mistakes Kadeshia made. For most part other than those few tiny grammar errors